Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Day 28

Tuesday, December 28, 2010
What's your biggest Life responsibility right now, and how are you handling it?

Well, I guess the obvious answer would be raising my son. As far as how I'm handling it, I gotta tell ya, most days, I feel like I'm doing a piss-poor job. Especially when I get a look at his grades. I can't tell you how disheartening it is, as an educator, to have a child who despises school.

I've been handling it on my own for over 15 years now, and it hasn't been easy. Most of you know that in order to send him to the private school he attends (the same one where he's getting those abysmal grades!) I had to work 3 jobs for a while. I've had to make many sacrifices over the past 15 years, but I wouldn't change a thing. My son has always come first, and I don't regret that for a minute.
I don't want this post to turn into a CSJ-bash, but I'll just say that that isn't the case for him. He walked out and never looked back. He's been living his life for himself first, and Stud has always had to just fit into that life somehow.

I sometimes wonder if I'm doing my son a disservice by living my life this way. Am I teaching him to follow in his mother's footsteps and put himself last? I certainly hope not. On the other hand, am I teaching him to be narcissistic, and only put himself first? Again, I hope not. I pray that he finds a happy medium, and that I haven't completely screwed him up.
So far, that seems to be the case. I am so proud of the kind, caring, generous young man he has become. I just hope it 'sticks' when he's an adult!

Wow, this post is started to get a little too serious and deep for me. I think it's time to go eat a truffle and call it a day!


Ricochet said...

Why have kids if they are not an important part of your life?

I didn't have mine for entertainment value - or so I would have friends (although they have supplied both).

I do know that I waited long enough that I grew up first and didn't mind any sacrifice.

Apparently that isn't true of CSJ.

M said...

Kids and family should come first! After the incident, I told my boss that after my children and husband my job was the next important thing...we can always do other things later but our kids will only be this age once...and they won't need us guiding them forever...so do it while you can! I never had 24 hours to myself until my son went to college this year...and when my daughter was first dx with cancer I would stay at the hospital until midnight, go to my classroom and work until 2, go home and sleep, get up and get my kids off to school and go to work then go directly to the hospital. I had no life...but my kids were taken care of. I couldn't take family leave because I would have to pay my insurance and couldn't afford to...but we all made it through...and now I am enjoying time for myself...more than when they were younger anyway!

You're a good mom...and the Stud will turn out to be a fine young man depsite any grades from high school :)

Katy said...

Oh boy do I hear you. We're dealing with similar issues right now and it's so hard trying to balance giving them what they need versus letting them deal with the consequences of their actions. No answers but lots of virtual hugs and letting you know you are not alone!

Tracey Axnick said...

Oh, my friend.... I relate to this post more than you know. Even though I'm not a single mom, I too have kids who struggle with school, "barely" scrape by and I'm CONSTANTLY second guessing myself as to how I'm doing as a mother of teens.
I honestly think this is par for the course, and it means we're probably on the right track (the fact that we care so much!) I know our kids will turn out fine.

I once heard that the 2 things kids need MOST are: 1) unconditional love and 2) clear-cut boundaries. I try to be very intentional with both of these... and do my best with everything else.
But you are right... parenting is TOUGH. No two ways about it.

On a MUCH lighter note, come on over to my blog.... I want to hear about your New Years resolutions/goals for 2011! (And as an added bonus, there is a VERY goofy picture of me from the mid 80s with HUGE hair!)

Change for Good said...

You are a great mom! :) I know you have made many sacrifices for your son, and I know he recognizes that. I can't say I've experienced the educator feeling with your kid struggling with school, but have had many friends who have. I know your eforts will pay off. While financials are important you have also realized the importance of your time with Stud. It is easier to cut a check, but more difficult to do the nitty gritty.

Keep pressing on!

Sandra said...

I think you're being too hard on yourself, and assuming that a teenager is even noticing more than the lunch you packed for him...well, maybe he's super observant, but somehow, as the mother of two teenagers myself, if they could get past their self-absorption, maybe my dishwasher would get emptied before I had to ask/threaten. Keep your chin up. You are fantastic the way you are.

Busy Bee Suz said...

You are doing an amazing job as a Mom. You are teaching him to be responsible and loving. Single moms have the hardest job of all...I applaud you. I don't know if I could do it as well on my own.
He might struggle in school, but overall he is an amazing person...and really, isn't that the most important? (His grades won't matter in a few years!!!!)
I give both of you an A+ though. :)