LilySlim Weight loss tickers
Showing posts with label what the hell was I thinking?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what the hell was I thinking?. Show all posts

Sunday, May 26, 2013

It's not too late...

...to make a donation toward an awesome cause.

On the off-chance you have yet to click on any of the links I've posted here lately about this, the short story is I'll be running my first ever 5K next Sunday.  It benefits the local Ronald McDonald House/Bereavement Services at our local children's hospital. 

Please click HERE for more information, and to pledge a donation.

Thank you, in advance, for your support and generosity.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Just a little peek...

...into the hell that I dealt with day in and day out.

There was an interesting article in yesterday's Chicago Sun Times about Englewood, which is the neighborhood in which I used to teach.  Click through the gallery, then read the article.  Then, imagine trying to make a difference in the lives of the babies forced to grow up in this mess.

**Um...what the hell, Blogger?!?!?!  WHY do I have the new format all of a sudden!?!?!  HATE IT!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Day 19

Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Describe a time you felt jumpy and nervous.

Truthfully? Yesterday, when the full weight of my decision came crashing down on me. The logical side of my brain is SCREAMING at me that I definitely made the right decision, and that continuing to work for CPS would only mean the end of my health and sanity. I've been planning for the leave for years now, saving up money like crazy, specifically so I could go without working for a while.

However, when I started thinking about NOT getting that paycheck every two weeks, I started getting palpitations. "What the hell have I done? What was I thinking? Am I out of my God damned mind?!" Those thoughts just kept going through my head all day, and it was making me sick to my stomach. I finally had to leave the house and try and distract myself with some Monkey time. :)

I'm feeling MUCH better about everything today. I still get a little queasy if I let myself think too much about it. I try to keep reminding myself that I wasn't hasty in making this decision, and I planned and planned for this. I didn't jump into it lightly. I made thoughtful and mindful preparations for this. And, it was the BEST decision for my family, and my health. Both physically and mentally. I know all that. Now, if someone could just remind me of all that on an hourly basis for the next few weeks, that would be awesome.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Ok, it's official. I need a 12-step program!!!

Ok, so, Stud and I made a trip to my favorite store in the world, otherwise known as Walmart. I should be completely embarrassed to admit it, but....I came home with this:

I know, I know, I know!!! I'm such a psycho! I can't believe it, either. But, let me try to defend myself here, and explain how I rationalized this purchase.

A couple of years ago, when they came out with this, it was $75. The double crock was $50. I ended up getting the double (with some Christmas cash from my parents) but have secretly been wishing I had bought the bigger one. Well, then this past holiday season, I saw the triple crock for $50 (I think at Sam's Club?) and I was pissed all over again that I didn't get it.

Imagine my delight when I spied an end-cap of these beautiful babies at Walmart with a giant price sign hanging about it that said.....ready? $25!!!! No, I'm NOT kidding!!!! I went online to price it at some other places and found this at the Crock Pot website. Can you even BELIEVE the deal I got?! I can't, either!

But, holy crap, what have I done?! I can't even figure out where to store the other 9 crock pots I have!!! To help me feel better about not getting the triple crock, I kept telling myself that I had nowhere to keep it anyway. Jeez, wait til my mother hears about this!! She's gonna really give it to me. That is, until we have a big family party, and it's exactly what we need for the buffet. :) I guess my weekend project will be to figure out which closet in the basement I'm going to clear out and turn into a Crock Closet!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Who's the ass here?

During the past 6 weeks, I've taken exactly 0 days off. Well, ok, we did get July 5th off for the holiday at the last minute, but whatever, that doesn't count. I didn't take it off, it wasn't a work day.

Each of the janitors at our building took a different week off. The engineer took a week off, and is taking Monday and Tuesday off, as well. The teachers who worked the other two programs at our school this summer had last week off because their programs were only 5 weeks long. The other two teachers I worked with this summer in my program had the week before last off because they went to CA for a 'conference.' Our assistant principal (who I love dearly, so I'm not really bitching here) took the past two weeks off. New Principal took last week off. (And, yes, I AM bitching here!) Even our office clerk took a few Fridays off, including the one that just passed (aka, the last day of summer school).

So, what I'm trying to say is....I'm the ONLY fucking moron who was at school every single day of summer vacation!!!!!

I knew I never should have broke the seal on this can of BITCH, because it's getting harder and harder to hold back. I have a feeling there are several more of these bitch-bits coming....
(get it? Tidbits, bitch-bits...I crack myself up!)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Why teachers get carpal tunnel syndrome...

This week, the babies FINALLY got to color their very own ABC Books. I say 'finally' because I told them about this project a while ago, and wasn't able to get the freakin' copies made for almost a month. Have you ever heard of a freakin' school that doesn't have a damn copy machine that works anywhere in the building?! OK, before I go off on that tangent, I'll move on...

This is a mini-version of the ABC Book I made and use every day with them. I can't take credit for the adorable pages, they came from a workshop I attended almost 10 years ago. We start using this book on the very first day of school every year. My "big" version has 8 1/2 x 11 pages, and I have both the capital and lowercase letter for each picture, plus the word for the picture. We start from the beginning, and at first we do it "I'll say it first, then you say it." Then I say, "A, aaaaa, apple. (They repeat) B, b, butterfly. (They repeat) C, c, caterpillar. (They repeat)" and so on. We spend a LOT of time with this book in the beginning of the year, and we go ever so slowly. I have them watch my mouth, and I give them little tricks and tips to ensure they say each sound properly. "Your tongue should be touching the top of your mouth." "Don't say 'buh,' it's just b. Remember, it's not a buh-utterfly, it's a butterfly." "Don't say 'puh,' it's just a p, with a puff of air." You get the idea. After a week or two, depending on the group is progressing, I start adding the corresponding ASL sign, which they always LOVE!

At this point in the year, we go through the book in random order, and they just say the sounds for me, I don't say it first. We mostly go through the alphabet once, for practice, each morning. There are a few kids, though, who still need to use the book in the same way we did back in August, as they are really struggling to learn those sounds. They don't have a lot of problem repeating what they hear, but they can not make the association between the sound and the letter.

Anyway, I told the kids a loonngg time ago that we were going to make our own ABC Books for them to take home and practice with. The fact that ALL the babies love this book made it very easy to not single out the handful who don't really get it yet. They were so excited when I finally got the copies made, and they spent almost two full mornings coloring the pages ever so carefully. I asked them to color their pictures as colorfully as possible.

Now, in the past, I've made these books with other classes, and I've let them cut their own pages apart. Sometimes we just use the pages as flashcards, instead of making them into a book. Sometimes I send the pages home so the parents can make the books/flashcards, however, most of the time, the pages never get touched. That's the sad reality with most of my babies' parents. OK, once again, NOT going off on a tangent.

This year, I decided we would make these at school (partly because I needed something for them to work on while I DIBELed, and I knew this would hold their interest long enough for me to get some testing done) and then I would cut them apart and make them into books. Doesn't sound like a big deal, right? Hmmm, have I mentioned I can be a little anal-retentive at times? No? Oh, well, yeah...this would be one of those times.

I wanted them cut a very specific way, which meant I couldn't even ask Ms. H., my parent volunteer, to help. Truth be told, it would have been too embarrassing for me to explain to her the anal-retentive way I wanted them cut.

So, that meant I had to bring the packets home with me this weekend. (I was only able to make one at school.) The first couple took an unbelievable amount of time, thanks to my 'issues,' but once I got into a rhythm, it seemed to go a little quicker. And, by quicker, I mean 20 minutes per book. Yeah, are you doin' the math already? There are 26 pages per book for each of my 23 babies. That's 20 minutes x 24 books (I had to make a sample book, of course) which comes to 8 hours. EIGHT HOURS, people!!! I actually spent 8 hours this weekend making ABC Books!

As I was cutting, I kept going back and forth between thinking, "Oh, it's totally worth it, the babies are going LOVE these, and they're going to use them every day, and they're going to learn their sounds perfectly, and they'll be reading like little demons...." and thinking, "Why the FUCK am I killing myself doing this?! They're gonna take these damn things home and lose them the first fuckin' night. Or, they're baby brother is going to rip it up, or their cat's gonna piss on it. And, even if they don't lose it, their lazy parents aren't going to practice with them, so what's the fuckin' point?!" (Yeah, so the throbbing in my wrist made me a little cranky. Deal with it!)

Here are the pages they colored
and here's the finished product!
Was it worth 8 hours of my life, and the use of my wrist? That remains to be seen. I'm going to think positively, and hope the babies actually use them the way they should. For a brief, insane, moment, I thought about having them make two books - one for home, one for school. But, then I thought about having to cut out 23 more books, and decided I can't do it. Obviously, I could let THEM cut out the second book, which I'm still toying with, so maybe it'll happen.
-
I've also thought of 100 things I want to differently next year when we make these. For one, I will run the books off on cardstock, instead of regular paper, so the pages are sturdier. Then, I'd like to laminate the pages. I'm also thinking I will take the time to go buy binder rings to put them together with, instead of the brads I used. It'll make it so much easier to flip through the pages. Right now, the brad makes it hard to see one page at a time. I'm also thinking of perhaps blowing up the pages, so they fit two on a page instead of six, so they're books will be bigger, and then maybe I can bind them with a plastic comb-binding. It's amazing how much your mind wanders while doing annoying, repetitive tasks, isn't it?
-
Know what else is amazing? That you're still reading!!! This is the longest post about nothing I've ever done!!! God bless my Bloggy Buddies!! I'll try to write a post that's worthy of your time tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

That ship has sailed...

Yeah, so, apparently, I already let this cat out of the bag. I'm a big dork!!!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I'm a big loser...

...a big, fat, hairy, stinkin' LOSER!!!!

I dropped my program tonight. I dropped out of school. I quit. I quit like a big giant LOSER!! I am simultaneously feeling relief and disgust. Relief that I won't be killing myself doing the mountains of work for this program. Relief that I won't be adding more stress on top of the stress that I've been feeling at school since New Principal took over. Relief that I won't have to figure out how to pay for this program. Disgust at myself for giving in and giving up. I've NEVER quit anything in my life. I'm so disappointed in myself, even though I know it's the best thing right now. Ugh! I don't like being a quitter! (Hell, it took me over 12 years to 'quit' my marriage after I threw CSJ out of my house!)

Part of the reason I rushed into signing up for this program is that the tuition was supposed to rise by $2,000 November 1st. Well, now they've locked in the current tuition rate until the 1st of the year. That's two more start dates from now, so I can still consider starting again before the new year.

Another thing I've been thinking about (a lot!) this week is that if I'm going to put the time (and money!!) into another masters program, why the hell am I doing it for something I don't even want to do? Why aren't I doing it for something I DO want - my early childhood certificate!! I've spent a couple of hours tonight (that I would have spent doing work for the class I just dropped!) researching several universities and their early childhood programs. I actually found some good information. My alma mater has a program available that is just for certification, as opposed to completing another masters degree. It may be exactly what I'm looking for, since it's geared toward those who already have a teaching degree and have taught for some time. Oh, and I also stumbled across another certificate they offer for Online Teaching. Yes, seriously. It's only 4 classes! I'm seriously thinking about it. I have a friend who teaches online classes and it's great. You literally work from home. How do you beat that?!

My friend that started with me (although she was doing a different program - Curriculum & Instruction with an ESL endorsement) also dropped tonight. She was really overwhelmed, as well. But, she has FOUR children and a husband who also place demands on her. They are Greek, and her husband is the priest at one of the big Greek orthodox churches here, which means she also has many responsibilities for the church. She has hardly slept since we started these classes a week ago, and one morning this week, on the way to work, she fell asleep at the wheel. She ended up rolling into the car in front of her. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but it was certainly a wake-up call for her. She decided she needed to put this off for a while. So, really, I just dropped out so she wouldn't feel bad about dropping. Aren't I just the most supportive friend ever?

Actually, she and I were both thinking the same thing about why aren't we at least working toward something we WANT and she's open to hearing about what I find out about early childhood programs. If you've been reading here for any length of time, you know that my ultimate goal is to open my own preschool/daycare center. When we were talking this afternoon, trying to make each other feel less like a loser for quitting, she said, "Hey, I know! Let's BOTH do the early childhood thing, then we can open a place together!" Great minds think alike!

Another factor that contributed to my decision to drop is that I just found out, almost accidentally, that the after school program that I've been working for for years was dropped as one of our programs this year. WTF?! When the hell was someone going to tell ME!? This is a HUGE blow to my financial situation, and was the biggest factor in my decision to drop my program.

In the whole scheme of things, I really didn't have to do much for this after school program. I was the site coordinator, so I didn't have any children to teach. I simply supervised, and took care of all the paperwork (student files, assessments, sign-in sheets, employee files, payroll, etc.) Realistically, I usually only spent one afternoon on that stuff, which left me the rest of the month to do whatever I wanted. I had to be there from 3-5 while the program was in session. I seriously figured that would be the time I would work on my classwork for this new masters program. Yeah, well, not so much now, huh?

I'm seriously nervous about losing the salary from this job. The were very generous with me, and the money I made during those few months each year covered nearly all of my share of Stud's tuition. There is no way I can lose the money for his tuition, and then ADD nearly the same amount for my tuition. It would be like losing $10,000 this year. OK, I'm starting to feel better about dropping now. Even if I do another program, I will be taking out a loan, as opposed to having the payroll deductions I would have had for this program.

Yeah, I'm definitely feeling better about this decision. If any of you have some soothing words for me, please, by all means, share them! Or, you can just call me a big loser. I've got it coming.

I'll be back tomorrow to update about school (you know, the actual purpose of this blog!!) and Parent Teacher conferences tonight (for Stud). I'm exhausted, both physically AND mentally! Night, night!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

There's no turning back now...

I literally just hit "submit" on my online applications for....wait for it....wait for it....

another masters program!!!

Yes, I DO know I'm out of my mind. Glad you all agree. I will be starting a masters program next week in Educational Leadership. This will allow me to obtain my Type 75 certificate, which is basically an administrative certificate. Clippy Mat made me laugh with a comment she made on yesterday's post about how I should be principal. Well, when I'm finished with this, I can be!

However, that is NOT anything that I'm interested in, at least not at this moment. I have absolutely NO desire to be an administrator. I'm really hoping this will help me move out of the classroom eventually, perhaps through obtaining some sort of training/consulting position. In the meantime, it will help me change lanes (which = raise) on our pay schedule.

Brace yourself for a possible increase in the crabby-ness and bitching done here. Wait, is that even POSSIBLE?! tee hee!