Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Email of the Day

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

11 comments:

Mark Himes said...

This is the best. I am trying to think of something witty to write but I can't out do this.
m.

Nana said...

You've made my day. Laughing is better than crying!!

C said...

bwahahaha not only politically correct but the right thing to do, as well...

hiya cheech! hugs...


bwahahahahaha

Cara Boutkids said...

That was clever & entertaining!

You should be on Diane Sawyer's "Made in America" segment on the ABC Nightly News.

Better yet, you could send it to S.N.L. for a satiric skit based on D.S.'s "M.i.A.!"

Thanks for the laugh!

Mama Spaghetti said...

I love this so much! Seriously...best thing ever.

ModernMom said...

LOL Love the conclusion :)

greg said...

Those were my weekend plans anyway. ;)

Love this...even though it's depressing and true.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh.
Can I switch the prostitute out for a house cleaner? Well, that means I would have to find an American house cleaner. Nevermind.

La Roo said...

You will definitely get stimulus out of it all... or syphillis. :)

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

I've seen this before and I LOVE it!

Clippy Mat said...

that's hilarious. love it.
:D