Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Do you remain friends with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends after you break up?
Truth be told, I don't have a whole lot of ex-boyfriends. Sure, I dated a lot of guys during the time Magnum and I were separated, but there were very few I was serious enough about to call my "boyfriend." There are two in particular who stand out. Ironically, both of them wanted to marry me.
One was The Boy Toy. (If you missed the scoop about him, you're gonna have to search the archives, sorry) He actually met my sister, which might not sound like a big deal, but trust me, that's HUGE. We dated seriously for a couple of years, then kind of saw each other on and off for several more years. (Yeah, ok, it was more of a friends-with-benefits kinda thing. Whatever!)
The other was the man I dated most recently before Magnum and I reunited. We dated for a few years. Let's just call him JF. He actually met my ENTIRE family (including extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.), which really IS huge! He spent a several holidays with us/them, while Stud spent them with his father. No, Stud never met him. I always believed that there was no reason for him to meet anyone I dated, unless we were going to be walking down an aisle together. Now, that being said, I know lots of people let their kids meet the people they date, and that's their decision. I pass no judgement. I just decided that was not an option for me. And, in the windup, I'm absolutely sure it was the right decision for me, as the two of us are, obviously, no longer together.
Funny random fact - there is a 20 year age difference between these two men. Um...yeah...
Anyway, to answer the question, yes, I would say I remained friends with these two men, as well as many others I dated. I still hear from both of them often (and occasionally, I hear from some of the others, too). I sometimes wonder if that's good or bad. Sometimes it's a little too tempting to call one of them when things get rocky around here. I know it's just a defense mechanism, and I haven't given in to the temptation, yet sometimes it's there. I probably shouldn't even admit that, should I?
Since it seems I'm just spilling my guts today, I'll share this little tidbit about Boy Toy. He was in my life before JF. I absolutely adored him, and he treated me like a queen. I know part of that was the fact that he was into the fact that someone so "old" was so into him. I mentioned before that when we met and started dating, he was 22 and I was 33. Yikes! But, it just worked. Like I said, the boy wanted to marry me.
However, here's the tidbit I was talking about. When we started dating, I had not been back on the dating scene very long. He knew the whole story regarding Magnum (well, he was still CSJ then!) and he knew that we weren't technically divorced yet. (For any new-comers here, we were separated for over 12 years before we actually got divorced.) Apparently, it didn't sit well with him. He said to me one day, "If your ex-husband called you right now, and wanted to come back, you'd take him back wouldn't you?" Who knew the boy was psychic?! I always felt bad about that conversation, because I couldn't give him a strong and resounding "No." (This was basically the point where we started to be on and off) And, now look how things have turned out.
Hmm, maybe Boy Toy deserves a post of his own. I'm going to consider it. Ok, before I spill anymore, I'd better just get out of here.
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