Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Has anything traumatic ever happened to you? Describe the scenes surrounding a particular event

Wow, I'm not sure where to start with this one. There have been many, many traumatic things that have happened to me in my life. Maybe I could bullet-point a few of the most traumatic? (I realize that what might be traumatic to me might not seem traumatic to others, but this is MY blog, so just deal.)
  • My grandpa passed away when I was 16 after suffering for several years after a massive stroke. I miss him just as much today as I did when he died 27 years ago.
  • I suffered through two miscarriages before Stud was born. There was another after he was born.
  • I lost one of my favorite uncles (one of my dad's brother) to cancer about 6 months after I was married. My wedding was one of the last "good days" he had. He ended up in the hospital the day after, and suffered through many agonizing, painful, horrible months before he died.
  • In February 1994, my daddy has his first massive heart attack. This was probably the single most terrifying day of my life. He had another 2 years later which is when he had his quadruple bi-pass surgery. He later had another, a few years after that, which lead to his 3rd angioplasty.
  • On New Year's Eve 1995 my brother-in-law (CSJ's brother) killed himself, after shooting his girlfriend and killing her. This was about 3 months after CSJ and I first separated, and played a big part, I think, in our inability to fix our marriage at the time.
  • In 2000, at the tender age of 30, my cousin was diagnosed with cancer. That same year my sister's marriage ended, as did my uncle's (my mom's brother). That was also the year my brother called off his wedding about 2 weeks before it was to take place. He and his then-fiance had been together for 5 years. The year 2000 was not a good one for my family.
  • In 2003, that cousin lost his battle with cancer at 32. A month after that, my grandma lost a leg due to complications from her diabetes. Six months later, my grandmother passed away.
  • As you know, my brother had a baby this summer. However, the baby's mother is NOT his beautiful girlfriend of the past 12 years. Yeah, that's probably more traumatic for her, but trust me, this has been a source of untold angst and trauma for me, and my family. This is definitely one of the topics in The Post I've been promising for the past 3 months. (As traumatic as this situation may be, of course I love my gorgeous little niece to pieces, and I absolutely know what a blessing from God she is.)
  • There has been a very traumatic event here recently involving Stud. (Some of you may have picked up on that when reading the Love Letter.) I'm not ready to share just yet, but the heartache and sorrow I've been feeling these past few weeks have been unlike anything I've ever experienced. I can't remember the last time I've cried this much, or been this utterly sad. I've been trying with all my might to focus on the future, and tell myself it'll all work out, but it's not really working.
That last bullet point started the water works again. Time to go cry for a while. I'm starting to hate NaBloPoMo.


Busy Bee Suz said...

You and your family certainly have had it's share of trauma...and that makes me so sad. (I always feel like I've been through HELL and back...and then I realize I am NOT alone!)
I had no idea you had three miscarriages....I imagine this is something that is very hard to get over. *hugs*
I think when you have such a BIG family as you do, you are open to more loss and hurt....just in the numbers.
You are a very strong woman; I admire that.
What ever the new issues are, I know you will handle it with grace, courage and LOVE...as you always do.

karen gerstenberger said...


M said...

Ohhh...I am away from the computer for a few days adn I missed this...prayers to you from CA!

Change for Good said...

I teared up reading this. You are such a beautiful person, and I know that through some of these very trying circumstances have made you into the amazing person you are. Praying for Stud.