Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Day 19

Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Describe a time you felt jumpy and nervous.

Truthfully? Yesterday, when the full weight of my decision came crashing down on me. The logical side of my brain is SCREAMING at me that I definitely made the right decision, and that continuing to work for CPS would only mean the end of my health and sanity. I've been planning for the leave for years now, saving up money like crazy, specifically so I could go without working for a while.

However, when I started thinking about NOT getting that paycheck every two weeks, I started getting palpitations. "What the hell have I done? What was I thinking? Am I out of my God damned mind?!" Those thoughts just kept going through my head all day, and it was making me sick to my stomach. I finally had to leave the house and try and distract myself with some Monkey time. :)

I'm feeling MUCH better about everything today. I still get a little queasy if I let myself think too much about it. I try to keep reminding myself that I wasn't hasty in making this decision, and I planned and planned for this. I didn't jump into it lightly. I made thoughtful and mindful preparations for this. And, it was the BEST decision for my family, and my health. Both physically and mentally. I know all that. Now, if someone could just remind me of all that on an hourly basis for the next few weeks, that would be awesome.

9 comments:

Funny in My Mind said...

So what cha gonna do with the rest of your life? Just curious.

You could move here and hang out on my deck with me and feel sorry for yourself with some company.

We don't have drive by shootings and the schools are good.

Stephanie said...

Oh it sounds like you have made a big jump and are chasing your dreams!! YEAH YOU!! PS Wine helps with the jumpies!

M said...

I can text it to you hourly...if you really want :)

Something so much better is heading your way...keep positive :)

XXOO

karen gerstenberger said...

You sound as if this was very well-thought-out and planned. Now trust the Universe to work with you, and keep your eyes and ears open. A wonderful, experienced teacher like you has got to be in high demand! Blessings to you.

Mark said...

You are much braver than I am.
m.

Magnolia Girl said...

I had the same feelings back in October when I picked up and left my job (under very different circumstances though). Those feelings are normal and will eventually pass. It may take a few months though, but keep on doing what you are doing and stay active and healthy, you will be fine..

Melanie said...

I'm with Funny. What is your big plan? I know you have one and you want a preschool, but are you going to go for that or take time to figure out what you really want to do. You are entitled to take time for YOU. Don't feel bad about that or about the decision you made. Frankly, it's already done and you can't change, it so rest assured that you made the right choice and move forward. Don't question the choice you made. Rather, just tell yourself to keep moving in a new direction!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Your health and sanity should take precedence. Especially since your sanity levels are declining already. Hey, you knew it too! :)
YOU will be fine. I just know it! You would not have planned and planned and waited and waited if you didn't know it was for the best!
xo

Maria said...

You know, you never sounding happy in your job. You counted down the days to vacation, seemed so tired of it all.

A change will do you good. Seriously.