Monday, March 3, 2008

Ah, I love living here...

Yesterday, the temperature hit nearly 60 balmy degrees. It was wonderful. All weekend, though, the weatherpeople all warned that despite the warm weather over the weekend, the temperature was going to take a drastic turn for the worse today. I actually heard a predicted temp of 20. Yikes! It's nearly noon, and it's not that cold yet, but it's been drizzling/raining most of the morning. They say snow's-a-comin'! Whatever! We have had over 50 inches fall this winter so far. They say it's one of the top 9 winters in history for snowfall here. So, imagine my delight when I checked my email just now, and found this little tidbit. It made me laugh out loud! (The language is a little "salty" at times, almost as if I had written it myself! haha!)

Beautiful Illinois........

  • Aug 12 - Moved to our new home in Illinois. It is so beautiful here. The fields and the woods are so pretty. Can hardly wait to see snow covering them.
  • Oct 14 - Illinois is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all shades of red, orange and yellow. Went through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful; certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I Love it Here !
  • Nov 11 - Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I Love it Here!
  • DEC 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight! ( I won! ), then when the snow plow came by, we shoveled the driveway again. What a beautiful place, I just love Illinois!
  • DEC 12 - More snow last night. It is really pretty. The snowplow did his trick on the driveway again. I love it here.
  • Dec 19 - Snowed last night, again, couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snowplow!
  • Dec 22 - More white shit came down last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway, Asshole!
  • Dec 25 - Merry Fucking Christmas. More frigging snow. If ever get my hands on the son of a bitch who drives the snowplow, I swear I will kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the fucking ice.
  • Dec 27 - More of the white shit. Been inside for three fucking days except to shovel the driveway every time the snowplow goes through. Can't go anywher e, the car is stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another ten inches of the shit again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
  • Dec 28 - The fucking weatherman was wrong! We got FOURTEEN INCHES of the white shit, not ten. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the bastard had the balls to come to our door asking to borrow my shovel. After I told him I've broken six shovels already moving all the shit he pushed onto my driveway, I broke the last one over his fucking head.
  • Jan 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a damn deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3000 in damage to the car. The fucking beasts should be killed. I wish the hunters had killed them last November.
  • May 8 - Finally got the car into the body shop to get fixed. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all the fucking salt they put on the roads?
  • May 10 - Sold the house, moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God Forsaken state of Illinois!

Tee hee!! Even though every bit of the above is dead-on accurate, I still would NEVER leave!

2 comments:

Hey Teach! said...

So funny! I can commiserate with the bits about the plow. So true. Especially the bit about hiding around the corner until you are done.

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN said...

You don't have to leave! You can visit your friends and family anytime you need a break from the 'white shit'...in exotic places such as Italy, San Diego, LA, shall I continue!?

Lucky!