Thursday, May 5, 2011


Thursday, May 5, 2011

What is the hardest decision you ever had to make?

Wow, this is a hard one. There have been SO many difficult decisions I've had to make in my life. I'm going to go with my initial gut reaction/answer, which is - throwing CSJ out. Stud Muffin wasn't even 2 years old, we had just bought this house, which meant a $1,200 a month mortgage, and I had just quit my job!!! What the hell was I thinking? Well, I was thinking, "This bastard has to go!"

But, I didn't know how I was going to keep a roof over my and my baby's heads. So much for the game plan I had all worked out. After Stud was born, we agreed I would go back to work, but only long enough to save up a decent down payment for a house. Then, I was going to be able to stay home with my baby. Yeah...not so much... I got to be home for about 3 weeks before the shit hit the fan.

I don't want to dwell on the negative here, especially since things have taken an interesting turn with CSJ in the past year or so. Besides, I haven't done too bad for myself the past 16 years. I managed to keep this roof over our heads (in addition to several remodeling projects), put myself through grad school (1 1/2 times!), put my son through 3 years of private school, and despite how much I bitch and moan about it, I have a respectable career. And, I did it all by my big self!

So, despite it being one of my hardest decisions, it was definitely the right one.

Today was a very long day. I just got home from 6 hours at Bestest Friend's sister's wake. Tomorrow is going to be very difficult, as most funerals are, and I'm a little worried about my Bestest Friend. With that in mind, I'd better get myself to bed, so I have plenty of strength and energy to help her through this difficult day.


C said...

well you know quite a bit of my story.. it is parallell to yours in some ways, my point being, when you've had to struggle like you and i did, to get our degree's and lose our dreams of being stay at home moms... what happens is we develope into a stronger person, wisdom is gained, and one day when we look back, we will feel gratitude that it all happened the way it did.. otherwise we wouldnt be the strong women we are now.


i am so sorry for your friend losing her sister. how terribly sad for all.

i am SURE she will feel strength from you!

karen gerstenberger said...

You have accomplished a great deal, especially after the big change of plans. It takes courage to stand up for your principles/yourself/your child, but you have made the best and the most of the situation and your opportunities. If CSJ wants to come back, I hope he knows how to respect & love the woman you are now! You are a GEM!...and Happy Mother's Day!

karen gerstenberger said...

P.S. - Please take care of yourself as you walk this hard path with your Bestest Friend. xoxo

Busy Bee Suz said...

I'd say you made the right choice!
YOU are an amazing Mom; strong, smart and confident. YOU have done well.
So sorry for all your friend is going through. Sad times.