I do want to thank my friends for their outpouring of love and encouraging words, especially smiley and KBL, who left me comments here. I love you guys!
I feel like I should elaborate just a teensy bit about some of this baggage, because after rereading yesterday's post, I sound slightly more bitter and crazy than I would like.
Without completely boring you with every little bit of minutia, let me just say, that during the 12 years we were separated before we officially were divorced, I allowed my ex to play stupid, immature little mind games with me. For example, when he and the HWW would break up (which they did several times over the years, either because she caught him cheating [what a fucking surprise!] or because she was cheating [again, what a fucking surprise!!]), he would immediately come to me about it, cry on my shoulder for a while, tell me what a jerk he was for screwing things up with us, how sorry he was, blah, blah, blah, all while seemingly opening the door for the opportunity of getting back together. Then, time would pass, one of them would forgive the other, and once again, I was left heartbroken and feeling like a fool. Every year, for the entire time he was out of my house, I still got flowers on our anniversary. I'd bet my ass that the HWW didn't know anything about that, though! This past January would have been our 17th anniversary, and this was the first year I didn't get flowers. Technically, on paper at least, we were married 16 years. Our divorce was final last February. On the very morning of our court date (which I didn't even attend because I just couldn't do it) he came to my house to bring my son home. He was obviously dressed for court (suit and tie) and looking like the cat that swallowed the canary. With tears in his eyes, he says, "I'm so sorry for everything. You know I'll always love you. You've always been, and always will be, "the one." WTF?!?!? And, gee, why exactly am I having trouble moving on again? Did I just make myself sound even more pathetic now? Whatever, it is what it is.
Hmm, two days of purging SHIT from my head has done me a world of good. Probably hasn't helped anyone else, though, huh? I'll try to stick to school stuff tomorrow, I swear!
Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. ~Author Unknown