Tuesday, December 23, 2008

This just stolen...

Here are a couple of things I lifted from one of the DJs over at The Lite. This video is really neat, and a great idea for being green this Christmas, or anytime.

Furoshiki gift wrapping from RecycleNow on Vimeo.

This made me laugh out loud at a few of these.

Tips for the Holidays

1) Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2) Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of the year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3) If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4) As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5) Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6) Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7) If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8) Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9) Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10) One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season!

Thanks, Kevin!

7 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

You know I am all about the recycling part..but only if you already have the fabric on hand!!!
that is really cool and you know no normal person can make stuff like that out of fabric. :)

I love the eating tips. I have actually been following these tips and I did not get that email. I don't plan on wearing any nice, fitted clothes till next year anyway.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh, I almost forgot...I love the stories about your italian Grandma. Hooter? SOOO funny.
Ain't old people the best?

Rabidparadise said...

Merry Christmas! And, I LOVE the book wrapping thing. It would take hours of play..pause..work...play...pause..work..rewind..play..work..
you get the picture..
Anyway, I hope you and Lexi have an AMAZING Christmas together, and all your wishes come true! XOXO

The Girl Next Door said...

I LOVE this post! You have encouraged me to eat more and worry less! Rock on! And yes I will be skidding to a stop in a well-worn-out body at the rate I'm going. Sounds like FUN!

Jason, as himself said...

These are great rules to live by. I love 'em. And I'm so glad the one about fruitcake is there. Otherwise I would have thrown my laptop on the floor and stormed off.

Lakeland Jo said...

love the eating tips- great

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

OK, this comment is a LITTLE late.... BUT if you're looking at some eggnog in your fridge and thinking "Hmmm, should I toss this?" the answer, my friend is NO. Here is what you do. (Assuming of course, it hasn't turned..)

Get out your blender. Pour in 8 oz. of eggnog. Toss in 4 ice cubes or so. Add 1 shot (or 2, if you're feeling a bit rowdy) of some sort of whiskey (or rum). Blend until it turns into a smoothie. It's really REALLY good! It cuts down on the thickness of the eggnog, it tastes really good, and you get a nice little buzz going too. PERFECT to sip on whil you're taking down the pesky (and irritating, at this point) Christmas decorations.

Voila. :-)