Sunday, April 10, 2011

Email of the Day

My Bestest Bloggy Buddy, C, sent me this today. I had actually intended to "steal" it from Maria the other day when she posted it, cuz it made me giggle!

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving 'til 5.
Sincerely,
The unicorns.

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic.

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know. Let's Yahoo! it..." Just sayin'
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea....Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear jakdiekeleeleoehn,
Please e39je,emlfjdld
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickelback,
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin.

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
the Nail Salon Ladies.

Dear ugly people,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream...What now?
Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely,
Willy Wonka

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP!! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can't you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Listen there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

I needed to focus on something funny this morning, since by 9:00, the freakin' temperature was already at 75, and expected to climb to 85 today! WTF?!?! Oh, and it's about 150% humidity, just for kicks. Yay, spring break.

5 comments:

Ricochet said...

"I needed to focus on something funny this morning, since by 9:00, the freakin' temperature was already at 75, and expected to climb to 85 today! WTF?!?! Oh, and it's about 150% humidity, just for kicks. Yay, spring break."

Come on down here in August - when we start back to school!!

Thanks for the laugh!

jo.irish.rose said...

i love the one for men, from the elephants....thats all they can do is pick up peanuts with it???? i was rolling on the floor!!! well, my baby can do a bit more....shhh, don't tell the elephant!!!

M said...

Dear Chicago,
Please come get your windy, cold weather and give us back our 85!
Sincerely, San Francisco

M said...

* Yuck, ick and WTF is that? all fall in the same catagory....not allowed...and I can mail you some if you'd like...they need Mulberry leaves to survive though :)

Missy said...

Totally hilarious! Just came to see you from Laughing at Chaos and now I'm going to start following you - love it!