...to all my Bloggy Buddies, and the other commenters, who have shared their love and concern for me and my Hell-Hole situation. Actually, I'm feeling a bit guilty that I even mentioned the whole shooting thing. Well, truthfully, I don't really know what I feel about that. The shooting was the LEAST of my concerns when deciding to take today off. It was due more to the fact that I've been completely stressed out from dealing with bratty kids all week. Couple that with the fact that Stud Muffin has the day off, AND his bed is being delivered today, and all the planets seemed to align for a mental health day.
Tuesday, the other Kdg. teacher was out, so her kids were nuts all day, which meant I had to deal with their poor behavior all day and help out the sub who was unfortunate enough to be assigned to that class. They actually act 10 times WORSE when their actual teacher is there, but that's another post.
Then, on Wednesday, the 1st grade teachers were both out for workshops, so the class across the hall was FUCKING AWFUL!!! I have NEVER seen them act the way they were. They were running around, throwing things, fighting with each other, just acting like animals. I could hear them clear at the opposite end of the hall, they were so damn loud. They were so incredibly rude and disrespectful to their sub. I was just in shock. One of the parents stayed all day to try and help the poor woman who was subbing, but the kids were just as rude and disrespectful to her, and she's there almost everyday, as they were to the stranger. Unbelievable. I finally had to step in and take over for a while. They were supposed to have gym that afternoon, so I had the sub take MY class to gym, and I took the first graders into my room for 40 minutes of lecturing. Yeah, I'm a bitch, what of it? I also had them write letters of apology to the sub. If they said they were finished, I had them put their heads down and just be quiet until the period was over. They all knew better than to piss me off, so it was pretty much silent for 40 minutes. (You know what else in unbelievable? That the two "security guards," that sit on their asses all day in the hallway, BOTH commented on how "that class is just off the chain!" but neither one of them made any attempt to go down to the classroom and see if the sub needed any help. You know damn well that the office could hear the noise just as well as I could, but Big Cheese didn't bother to go down there, either. Pitiful!)
For some reason, my own babies drove me nuts yesterday. It was probably a combination of the previous two days of having to be Super Bitch and the fact that I think I'm PMSing. (Plus, I had perfect attendance yesterday, so every one of the babies was there to push my buttons!) The cherry on top was Big Cheese making that announcement at the end of the day. I wasn't scared by it, just pissed off. I mean, for God's sake, why don't you scumbags just kill each other and get it over with, and leave us the hell alone! It's just another inconvenience of working in the ghetto. I've said before that shooting goes on all the time while we're in school, but usually it happens during the day, when the kids are all in the building. I haven't taken my kids out for recess/playtime in years because of all the shooting. The reason Big Cheese even mentioned it now is because the gang bangers are forgetting the unwritten rules, and are shooting it out when kids are around. Assbags!
Getting back to my confusion about how to feel about this, after reading all your comments, I was hit by how numb I've become to all the madness that is Englewood. I should be as scared for myself as you guys are for me, and yet, like I said, I'm just annoyed and irritated by it. There's something wrong with that, isn't there? I don't know, I suppose that's what happens after a decade of working in the ghetto. Whatever it takes, I guess, to come back everyday for the babies. Truthfully, some of your comments made me feel really guilty about not being there today when the babies are there. On some level, I feel like I've abandoned them, even though I know, logically, that's NOT the case. Like I said, the situation is really no different than any other day. Sad? Yes. Fact of life in the ghetto? Yes. Will I be returning Monday, after a long weekend, feeling refreshed, both physically and mentally, ready to give my all to the babies I love? YES!
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