Thursday, March 5, 2009

Email of the Day

Cussing at Work
Dear Employees & Former Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible..
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his fucking ass.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass, mother fucker.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick with ears.

Thank You,
Human Resources

This was sent to me by a coworker at the Hell-Hole. By the way, as I type this, it's just after 10 PM, and it's 57! We had a high of 65 today. We're supposed to have a repeat tomorrow, so maybe I'll take the babies outside for a while. That is, if I feel like dodging bullets....

9 comments:

M said...

#2 is one I can use at work...and she just may share a classroom with me next fall...yahoo!

WoW! It's warmer in Chicago than here near S.F! We did get outside today between rain showers!

C said...

lmfao.

ah, chichi, you crack me up faster than a spit ball in a hurricane.

loved it.

yeah, watch out for dem bullets...

C

Busy Bee Suz said...

i love number 18!!

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

This is hilarious!

And yes, we're getting this "early Spring" weather too - ain't it grand?!!! :)

Jason, as himself said...

The Hell Hole? Is that your bar or your school? I hope it's the bar.

ChiTown Girl said...

Jason, Jason, Jason. I thought you've been reading longer than that. The Hell-Hole would be my SCHOOL!!

karengberger said...

I am laughing out loud; just sent it to 3 family members! Thanks!

jlo said...

I love it. I'm going to copy this and pass it out a work. Think I could get into trouble for that?

miss r said...

Borrow a vest from your uncle, honey!