Brain dump...

I went to breakfast this morning with my mom, brother and Monkey.  The restaurant we were at has very crammed (or is it cramped?) seating (one of the many reasons I don't like the place, but it's where my brother picked to go).  When we were getting up to leave, the two ladies at the table next to us realized that we were not going to be able to get out.  They started to move, and I was telling them not to worry about it, since we would just move the table over (since that's how we got in in the first place!)  The one woman closest to us tried to scoot over a bit, and the other woman, with a smile, says to ME, "Ok, there.  You're not big, you can get through." 

Let me repeat that - "YOU'RE NOT BIG, you can get through."

It took a minute for what she said to register, and then another minute to realize she was, indeed, speaking to ME.  Needless to say, I almost bent over a planted a kiss on her face.  Then I had to fight back the tears.  I have NEVER had anyone say something like that to me. 

In my head, I still look the same as I did almost 85 lbs ago.  I'm caught off guard, almost on a daily basis, by my new size.  Whether it's squeezing through a tight space, or realizing I no longer spill over the sides of a seat, or when I'm folding laundry and can't believe these "tiny" clothes are mine.  I'm constantly surprised.

This past Saturday, I went to work with my sister for the first time.  She works for Coty/Prestige, and long story short, I was one of those annoying perfume sprayers at Carson's.  They needed the extra help because they were launching a new fragrance.  Because of that, the sprayers had to wear T-shirts with the name of the fragrance.  My first question to my sister was, "What's the biggest sized shirt you have?"  She handed me a large and an extra-large.  Naturally, I tried on the XL, thinking it was going to be snug.  This time last year, I was sporting a 3X.  Plus, my sister (my tall, thin, gorgeous sister!) said she was wearing a large.

Well, after I put it on, my sister said, "No, try the large on, that's too big on you."  What?!  Sure enough, it fit.  I'm still a little amazed by that, and it happened 4 days ago.

The last few times I've gone shopping, it's been so strange, so foreign, to me to be able to just grab something off the "normal" rack, AND have it fit.  Truthfully, I don't know if I'll ever get used to it.  I don't know if I ever WANT to get used to it.  It kind of keeps me on my toes.

Every once in a while, I'll snap a picture in the mirror after I get dressed, just so I can track my progress.  I always think I look smaller when I look in the mirror, than when I look at the picture, so there really must be something to that "the camera adds 10 lbs" thing.  Either way, I'm pretty damn happy with what I see.

I don't EVER want to be her again...

I'm trying to get used to being her...

I still have a long way to go.  But, I'm not beating myself up over the fact that I've basically been maintaining for the past 6 months, as opposed to losing.  Things around here have been beyond stressful, which has a lot to do with my not being around lately.  Unfortunately, 2013 turning out to be a craptastic year for us.  I've been a "stress eater" my entire life, and I'm a little amazed that I haven't gained 100 lbs these past 6 months.  Truthfully, that's how I found myself at the size I was last year.  Those of you who have been around a while know how stressful my job was, as well as the other things in my life that stressed me out.  If I'm going to be completely honest, I'm still dealing with some of those stressors, but I'm starting to get a better handle on how to deal with them.  Like I said, I'm happy to just be maintaining right now.

I hope things get back to "normal" soon.  I miss my Bloggy Buddies.  I lurk when I can, which isn't often.  Thanks to my Bloggy Buddies who keep checking in with me, and letting me know they care.  It really means the world to me.