Email of the Day

Bestest Friend sent this to me today, and it cracked my shit UP!!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

***A couple of people have said that they can't watch this video for some reason. If it won't work for you, try this link.

Email of the Day

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this Congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.' This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved.

The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit This is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.'

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop Traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the Congregation Roared!

I double-dog dare you to not laugh...

They played this on my favorite morning news show this morning. Enjoy!

Just in case any of you have forgotten what a dork I am...

...let me remind you. I was just sitting here watching Rachel Ray, and she was making a yummy pasta dish at the end of her show. As the show was ending, and she was dishing up the pasta, my mouth was watering as I sat here thinking about how good it looked, and how I'd love to have a big bite of it. Suddenly, I swear I could SMELL it, and my mouth watered even more. It seriously took me a few minutes to realize that what I was actually smelling was the dish I put in the crock pot earlier down in the basement. DORK!!!! But, man, does my house smell GOOD right now!!!

Sorry, Suz, we'll just have to agree to disagree about this. That's one of the things I love MOST about using crock pots. Your whole house smells yummy all day!! I can't wait to eat later. My graduate school girls are coming over for dinner tonight. Yay!

It must be The Day of the Penguin!!

Immediately after posting the video below, I got this in my mailbox from my sweet Bloggy Buddy, dkuroiwa, over at Etc., Etc., Etc. Guess what will be on our Easter table in a few days...

Cutest thing EVER!!!

Thanks, Bestest Friend!! That was the PERFECT way to start my day!!!

***9:10 am
Oh my hell!! They just played this video on Regis & Kelly!! Yay!

I wasn't gonna mention it, but...

...last Saturday, I was bitching because it was 85 here. Yesterday, we had snow flurries. I'm sitting here watching the 10:00 news, and the lead story is that we have snow coming this week! Really?! Now, all of you know how much I love the snow, but come on, it's the middle of April, for Pete's sake. I'm worried that all the plants and flowers that have started growing already will be harmed by this cold and snow. My lilac bushes are covered in buds, thanks to last week's unseasonably warm weather, I would be VERY upset if something happened to make them not bloom. My day lilies have started growing, as well. I think they're hardy enough to withstand a little cold, though, so I think they'll be ok.

On a happy note, I'm now starting my second glorious week of spring break. Woo hoo! The first week went by WAY too quickly. I hope I'll be able to slow down and enjoy this second week. I have managed to read about 4 books in the past week. All of them on my fancy new iPod. I know, I'm sooo cool! That's, by far, my favorite thing about my iPod. I've been downloading books like crazy. For a while, I thought I might want to get a Kindle, but then I realized that it wouldn't be as easy to throw that in my purse and carry it around with me, like my iPod, so for now, I'll stick with what I have. Besides, right now, I only have free books downloaded to my iPod, so why would I need something else to download free stuff to? If I'm too cheap to buy the books, we all know I'm too cheap to buy a Kindle!!!

Ok, the weather segment of the news just came on, and apparently, we'll be having LOTS of rain this week. Perfect weather for staying curled up in bed, in my jammies, reading books on my iPod!! :) I love spring break!

***update***
This was what the deck looked like when I got up this morning, and when I was leaving to take Stud to school. Not bad. It's hardly a dusting. The snow has since turned to rain. Naturally, I'm typing this from the cozy cocoon of my bed, with all my blankies around me. :)

Email of the Day

Man




Man is a woman's best friend.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do;

to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions

and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels that she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.








No wait...... sorry....... I'm thinking of wine.

It’s wine that does all that.

Sorry.

The Power of Words

I found this on Jim's blog over at Ocean Breezes, who said he got it from Becky over at Life with Kaishon. Just thought I should share it, too.

Have you giggled today?

Many of you probably heard this story the other day. Well, apparently, it's happened again. One of my favorite bloggers, the bitchy waiter, wrote about this yesterday and today, and today's post had this HILARIOUS video, which I promptly stole to share with you. You should click on the links first, to read what he wrote, then watch this. Just don't watch while you're drinking a margarita or some sangria, cuz that'll just make your keyboard all sticky when it comes shooting out your nose.

Email of the Day

My daddy comes through again!!!

A Love Story

At the end of a busy day, a man and his wife were sitting at home on the veranda in the quiet of twilight.

As the sun slowly sank below the mountains, he broke the comfortable silence saying, "I love you."

She asked, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replied, "It's me. I'm talking to the beer."



I failed to do my annual "Happy Birthday, Daddy!" post yesterday. My daddy turned 68 years young. We actually went to dinner on Sunday to celebrate with the whole gang (including Stud' NEW GIRLFRIEND! More on that later...). We then got together for cake last night at my parents'. The original plan was to do cake on Sunday, after we left the restaurant, but we had to nix those plans thanks to some plumbing problems I've been having in the basement. (Again, that's another post all together.) As a matter of fact, the plumber is down there right now, for Day 3 of working on this problem. I'm trying not to dwell on ANY negativity while on break, so that's why I'm saving it for it's own post.

Since I have some free time, I may just scout around for some pictures of my daddy that I haven't posted before. Maybe I'll dig out my wedding album. There's some cute pictures of us in there. In the meantime, here's one of my favorite pictures of my daddy and Stud, that I've posted several times before.How cute are these two!?

Email of the Day

My Bestest Bloggy Buddy, C, sent me this today. I had actually intended to "steal" it from Maria the other day when she posted it, cuz it made me giggle!

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving 'til 5.
Sincerely,
The unicorns.

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic.

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know. Let's Yahoo! it..." Just sayin'
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea....Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear jakdiekeleeleoehn,
Please e39je,emlfjdld
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickelback,
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin.

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
the Nail Salon Ladies.

Dear ugly people,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream...What now?
Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely,
Willy Wonka

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP!! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can't you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Listen there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

I needed to focus on something funny this morning, since by 9:00, the freakin' temperature was already at 75, and expected to climb to 85 today! WTF?!?! Oh, and it's about 150% humidity, just for kicks. Yay, spring break.

I'm so forgetful...

Holy cow, I just found this post sitting here, unposted. I started it last week, but obviously never finished it. Last week was really a busy one (with Report Card Pick Up Day smack in the middle of it) so I guess I should cut myself some slack.

Stud had a big art project due last week. About a month and a half ago, the "honors" kids made plaster casts of their faces. They then had to take that mask and make something with it. They were given carte blanche, so it was a really great opportunity to show their creativity.

Stud decided that he was going to bring one of his drawings to life. His original idea was to make a 3D model of this guy:

However, as he started planning his project, he suddenly decided that, since the mask was actual size, why not make a life-sized model?

In order to keep the f-bombs to a minimum, I'll save you from the entire saga of this project, and simply share with you the finished product. (Try to ignore the complete and utter mess that is my garage!)


Buster needed to check out the stranger in the garage.




(His hair has really grown since St. Baldrick's, hasn't it?)

My dad had a BIG hand in helping Stud with this project, so thank you, Daddy! He had to design a way to make it in two pieces, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to get it to school! It is currently on display in the library at Stud's school. I wish I had taken some close-up shots, and some shots of the work in progress. It is actually pretty cool. They created a 'skeleton' from PVC pipes, then formed the body out of chicken wire. Black fabric pieces were then sewn onto the chicken wire. The sash was made out of black and yellow fabric, and the PVC legs are actually covered in drainage pipes. My dad came up with the idea to mount some kind of brackets to plywood that the pipes fit into, as well as making a second plywood/bracket base that goes in the middle of the body to hold the top and bottom together. (That base is very cleverly covered by the sash.) All told, this little project cost me around $150!!!

However, because the mask wasn't the main focus of this creation, he actually lost a few points on his grade. I think he was a little thrown by that, especially because he worked so hard on this "statue." But, it is what it is. I think it's kinda good that he got knocked down a few pegs, given that he was making some not-so-nice remarks about a few of his classmates' projects. A few kids simply painted their masks, and nothing else. But, in the windup, their projects were closer to what the teacher asked for than what Stud created. I know that his teacher really liked it, though (hence, the display in the library) but she's also very fair, and gave him the grade he deserved based on what he was assigned to do.

I have no idea what the hell we're going to do with this thing when he brings it home. I told him I would stand it in the corner, kinda like those dog butlers some people have, and hang my purse off of him. :) (Wait, are there any other Modern Family fans out there? Remember the episode where Gloria tries to get rid of Jay's dog butler? Too funny!!) Then, we decided that if we can get the other half of the damn garage cleaned out, he can stand out there as the Garage Guard. I just can't bear to throw it out after all the money it cost me!

I know I mentioned a while back that this semester, Stud's class was going to do some pottery work. He finally brought the finished project home last week, and it blew me away. I LOVE IT! I took a bunch of pictures for you the day he brought it home, but I'm going to give it it's own post later. After all, I'm going to have some free time now that I'M ON VACATION!!! WOO HOO!

I'm off to do a whole lot of nothing while I wait to pick up Stud from school. He's taking his ACT this morning. I'm sure he's not as nervous as I am about it.

In 7 1/2 hours...

...I'LL BE ON SPRING BREAK!!!! Wahooo!!!!!

Now for the bad news - we have a predicted temperature coming for Sunday of....brace yourself....83!!! EIGHTY-FREAKIN-THREE!!! What kind of sick, twisted, cruel joke is this!? That is NOT the way I want to kick off my two-week vacation!!

Email of the Day

The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!

Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS	SAFER	SAFEST	ULTRA SAFE
What's for dinner?	Can I help you with dinner?	Where would you like to go for dinner?	Here, have some wine.
Are you wearing that?	You sure look good in brown!	WOW! Look at you!	Here, have some wine
What are you so worked up about?	Could we be overreacting?	Here's my paycheck.	Here, have some wine.
Should you be eating that?	You know, there are a lot of apples left.	Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?	Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day?	I hope you didn't over-do it today.	I've always loved you in that robe!	Here, have some wine.

13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one :

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Forward this information to all of your friends and those who might need a good laugh...
and men who need a warning.
And, have some wine.

Email of the Day

COLOR IS GOOD

Yesterday I went to the doctor
For my yearly physical.
My blood pressure was high.
My cholesterol was high.
I'd gained some weight,
and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right
doesn't have to be complicated and
it would solve my physical problems.
He said:
Just think in colors.
Fill your plate with bright colors.
Try some greens, oranges, reds,
maybe something yellow, etc.
and eat an entire bowl of
bright colors.

And Sure Enough,
I Felt Better Immediately !!
I never knew eating right could be so easy !!

Huh?!?!

I just pulled up this page to catch up on my Bloggy Buddies, and I had to look twice at my weather widget. It's 7:30pm here in Chitown, and this freakin' thing says it's 75 here! SEVENTY-FIVE!!! Well, no wonder I'm such a crabby bitch. That's WAY too hot for this penguin. I'm gonna go stick my head in the freezer.